[BBC List] 5 points of a different color

[Mike Abendroth]

December 05, 2007


The Five Points of Criticism


by mark dever

In our own service reviews, we talk about trying to model giving godly
criticism and receiving godly criticism, giving godly encouragement and
receiving godly encouragement.  Because of some of my own mistakes, and
reflections on them, I offer the following suggestions on how to give godly
criticism.

Proverbs 26:27 says "A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering
mouth works ruin."  I think that Christians, and especially pastors, should
have words which reflect hearts of wisdom and love toward those we speak to.
And it's in reference to those obligations and opportunities we have (and
out of my own mistakes in doing this well!) that I offer the five points of
criticism. Here are several ideas on HOW criticism is best offered:

1.  Directly, not indirectly.  If you're anything like me, you might have a
temptation to imply something, to presume something, to do anything to avoid
a direct confrontation.  Be very careful, however, before adopting this
pattern, especially in criticism.  If you're not careful, you'll have people
regularly looking at your words and asking themselves what you "really
mean."

2.  Seriously, not humorously.  Again, I might want to give some piece of
advice through a humorous aside, but I probably am giving criticism this way
because of my own fear of man.  I want them to like me, and so I don't want
to directly confront them.  I want to be able to dismiss my own words if
their cost proves higher to me than I had estimated.  And humor can appear
to be a useful vehicle for this.  I can disown the words I've spoken,
explaining them merely as humor if they're not received well.  I should know
better.  I should know that if something is worth correcting, I should show
respect to the other person by taking it seriously.  I should never joke
about something I'm really concerned about in someone else, without first
having spoken seriously to them about it.

3.  As if it's important, not casually.  Similar to the previous point, but
distinct, is the idea that the other person deserves me to give a certain
level of importance to the issue, or I probably shouldn't be offering them
correction at all.  Eleazar Savage has a wise section (pp. 487-490) in the
book of books (Polity) on minor offenses that we as Christians should simply
bear with in each other.  Don't use up the other person's emotional energy
on criticizing them if the matter isn't really very significant.

4.  Privately, not publicly.  A remark around other people could have
negative effects on other people's opinion of the one you are offering
criticism to.  You probably won't have the opportunity to follow up with all
of them about the nature and reasons of your criticism.  Your friend will
probably only struggle more with fear of man issues, having those confused
with the merits of the criticism you have offered.  Now your friend may well
be left open to the Evil One tempting him to be distracted by what this or
that person will think of him.  You honor your friend better by offering the
criticism in private.

5.  Out of love for them, not to express your feeling or frustration.  It's
interesting how my "honesty" can sometimes be inspired by my own
frustration.  Good criticism should not be "my frustration"-driven, but
"your need" driven.  If I ever offer a friend criticism it should be in the
time and manner that will best serve them, not that is most convenient and
emotionally satisfying for me.  One way we show that love is by sincerly
encouraging them (not flattering them) in areas where God's grace is clear
in our friend's life.  The more they can believe that we mean this for their
good, that we love them, and see real good in them, the less open they are
to pridefully dismissing our criticism.

 

 

Thanks.

 

For the King's honor,

 

Charis,

 

Mike Abendroth

 

 <http://www.bbcchurch.org> www.bbcchurch.org

 

Ephesians 3:21 auvtw/| h` do,xa evn th/| evkklhsi,a| 

 

2 Tim 1:2b  "Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our
Lord."

 

"The duty of a theologian is, not to please the ear with empty sounds, but
to confirm the conscience by teaching things which are true, certain and
profitable."  John Calvin

 

 

 

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